G.O.S.

I’m glad I didn’t write yesterday. I was going to, but I didn’t. That’s a good thing. It would have been ugly. Most likely it would have been a profanity laden, barely comprehensible rant.

Most likely I would have written things yesterday that I would regret today. As it turned out, I did not. I showed restraint.

Tuesday night what had been up to that point a pretty drab and gloomy Holiday season took a turn for the worse. I’ve prattled on way too much in the last couple of weeks about my bad holiday attitude. I won’t get into that. I won’t go into details of Tuesday night, either. Sorry to be vague, but I have to at this point. Let’s just say we’re going to have to spend some money we could avoid for a while.

Don’t get any weird ideas. Nothing tragic or life changing is going on. In any other setting, at any other time, this would be small potatoes. As it happened, it was my house in December 2009. Then things took another nosedive yesterday. Same event, new circumstances. Things got more expensive.

I don’t want to whine too much. But I will whine a little.

* Side note: I just noticed my fly is unzipped. I don’t remember when I last went to the rest room. Nice. * – Back to the whining.

My prevailing thought yesterday was “What the hell? Why have the ‘Gods of Shit’ decided to dump their flock on my life?” I know you’ve had those days where life punches you in the face over and over until you finally give in and fall to the mat. Then, just for good measure, since you’re helpless, life gives you one last kick to the face. That was my Tuesday night into Wednesday afternoon. It was one last turd on the dung heap of life.

That was yesterday. I’m feeling better today. Mostly. I’m still stinging a little.

My hope is that tomorrow will be better and the day after that even more so. Hopefully I can avoid the flailing fists of fury that life tends to throw for at least the rest of the year. We’ll see.

Last night’s Bible Study helped. (I paid attention, Eric.) I did NOT want to go to church last night. The last thing I wanted to do was sit around, socialize, and pretend to be happy. I went. We are talking about Advent. Last night we looked at “Mary’s Song” from Luke. There is some really good stuff in there that I needed to hear and remember: “His mercy is for those who fear him…[he] lifted up the lowly…he has filled the hungry with good things.”

It was a great reminder that God is with us in our lowest places. His grace is far reaching. His light shines brightly in our darkness. I don’t know that it made me any happier. But reminded me that I have joy.

This Sunday Edgemont United Methodist Church is hosting a Service of the Longest Night. It is a service of hope and of healing. It is a time to allow God’s word to shine into the dark shadows that life tends to cast. It’s a chance to see that you are not alone in mourning this time of year.

This afternoon as I mulled all of this over a bit (my dung heap, Advent, Mary’s Song), I jotted down a sort of prayer. It’s not great. Probably not even good. But It helped me to write it down. I think it will help more to share.

O come Emmanuel!
Life is crooked.
Straighten my path. Knock down the mountains I’ve ignored and avoided.
O come Emmanuel!
Life is dark.
Shine your light in my deepest corners. Chase away the shadows.
O come Emmanuel!
Life is hard.
Lighten my burden. Ease my suffering. Help me bear the load.
O come Emmanuel!
Life is war.
I need peace. Peace at work. Peace at home. Peace of mind.
O come Emmanuel!
O come.
Amen.

*EDIT - To clarify (since Misty has now talked to Jennie), our washer broke a few weeks ago and we borrowed one from the Corley's (read about it here). This week that washer broke also. Now we get to buy a new one (the cost to fix it was not much less than a replacement). Happy, happy day.*