Seminary Weeks 7 & 8

Today is my wife and my 16^th anniversary. Our marriage is now old enough to drive. May will mark 23 years since we met. Wow.

Well here we go with a recap of weeks 7 & 8 of seminary. First of all let me say that I cannot believe I’ve been doing this for 8 weeks. It really doesn’t seem like it’s been that long. In 5 or 6 weeks I will be 1/9^th of the way to my Masters of Divinity. Crazy. I found something a couple of days ago that I had to share. This is from a blog entry from a few years ago.

Over the last 5 years or so I have wavered between feeling called back into full-time ministry (not youth) and knowing that I have no place in ministry. I do not think I am called to be a pastor. Let me rephrase that. I know I am not called to be a pastor. I do not have the gifts or the skills (e.g. patience, people skills, forcefulness, charisma) needed to pastor a church. Then again Tim Corley once quoted me as saying, “God does not call the equipped. He equips the called.” I should not talk, ever.

Truth is, sometimes I feel it. Sometimes I don’t. Bottom line is, I’m not doing it; at least not right now. I’m not going to rule out some future in ministry of some type. For now though, going back to school and starting all over in a new career … no thanks. I’m too old and I have too much debt for something like that.

To be honest, I don’t think I would fit as a pastor in the south. No matter the denomination. I have views and beliefs that are contradictory to the majority of Christians. That was evidenced even further by votes and discussions at conference this weekend.

Then again, I think the church needs more pastors who think like me. Not because I’m 100% right, but because I’m willing to listen and continue to learn and grow and change my mind. The Church needs differing opinions, other interpretations. And, well, on some things I’m dead-ass right and the Church is wrong!

I have to stop before I get on a tangential rant. I guess that one could be a post all on its own.

One last reason, Youth Ministry was in no way, shape, or fashion good for my marriage. I can only imagine that those issues would only be magnified. I will not do that to my wife. I will not do that to my family.

Given my current situation, I thought that was interesting. OK, back to the recap.

Week 7 was eventful. I gave my oral presentation in my “Interbiblical Period” class. It went well. The point of the presentation is to lead the class discussion, we had some good discussion. I hope that’s a good sign. My topic was “Herod’s Depoliticization of the Temple.” The theme was just that: Herod the Great’s efforts to take political power away from the Temple and thus place it on his own throne. My professor seemed excited about the topic and the presentation. During our break he made the following comment with excitement: “I’ve never read a book with that title.” I think it went well. I hope the paper that has to come from the presentation will go as well.

Pastoral Care was interesting last week. For part of our class we did role playing. I was paired with a 50 something guy. Our case was a 17 year-old girl who might be pregnant. It was…interesting.

We had our first test in Intro to Interpreting the New Testament. I’ll say more about that later. Then it was lecture time, which usually means listen to questions and comments of a few class members for 15 minutes for every 5 minutes of lecture. It’s frustrating. We also got our book reviews back last week. I made a 94. I was pleased.

This week we talked about apocalypticism in my Interbiblical Period class. I hoped I would learn my presentation grade. I did not. We turned in another book review. This time it was Common Judaism – Explorations in Second Temple Judaism. I didn’t like it.

In Formation we talked about being broken. Which I thought was appropriate since it is Lent, after all.

We got our tests back in NT. I said last week I thought I made a B. Technically I was right. I had an 89. Dr. Niang added 10 points to everyone’s grade. We did a quick review of the test. Then he added another 5 points to everyone’s grade. My average in that class is a 98 right now. I hope I can keep that up.

OK, in keeping with tradition, here’s my formation paper for this week. Unless you’d rather read my book review… no? OK. Formation paper it is.

March 17, 2011

Of all the topics we’ve been assigned this one is the hardest to write about. I’m not sure why. I just cannot seem to put any coherent thoughts together for this topic. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say I have no experience being broken. I do.

To be honest I just don’t think I’m comfortable talking about my pain or suffering. Typically, I’m pretty open when I write. My wife would say I’m too open. For some reason I can’t find that openness. Maybe I’m uncomfortable with my brokenness. Yes, I’m definitely uncomfortable with it. Maybe I’m uncomfortable thinking about the questions you all will ask. Probably. Maybe I haven’t ‘befriended’ my brokenness yet. Maybe.

I am, though, aware of my brokenness. Sometimes more aware than others. Sometimes I am painfully aware of just how broken I am. Sometimes I feel whole and forget that I am broken. Sometimes I feel like there are little shattered pieces rattling around inside. Every move I make, every word I speak reminds me that I “have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.” I’m not sure which is better; to be painfully aware of my brokenness or to be blissfully unaware.

I guess Henri Nouwen would say we should be somewhere in between. Aware, but not ‘painfully’ aware. We shouldn’t wallow in our brokenness. We cannot let it paralyze us. I’ve been there recently. My grandmother died at the end of September at the age of 95. Before her death I had never lost a close relative or friend. I didn’t know how I would react. I took it well. After a few weeks I fell into one of those ‘painfully aware’ times. I spent a few months wallowing in my brokenness and the brokenness of the world around me.

I pulled out of it. Now I hope I can accept my brokenness and ‘befriend’ it. Until then, and after, I am thankful for God’s grace. Thankful that God loves me in spite of my brokenness.

There it is. Weeks 7 & 8 of seminary. In summary, it’s going well.