Everyone knows an ant can't...

I don’t think I’m going to do any more Junk Mail posts. That little venture has run its course.

Work, lately, is…discouraging. That’s as much as I’ll say about that. It’ll get better soon. I think it’s just because I’ve been in the office for about 6 months straight. I need a trip somewhere.

Lucky for me, I get to go to Huntsville tomorrow. Going to argue with a few people about who’s to blame for some fire alarm repairs. I’m actually looking forward to it, which is completely out of the ordinary for me. As most of you know, I avoid conflict like Mormons avoid caffeine and monogamy. (Too offensive?)

Most of my work related anxiety comes from answering “when-are-we-going-to-get-paid” phone calls. Always fun. And always the same answer: “As soon as we get paid.”

I realized a few days ago I have not written about football season even once this year. The lack of written word in no way belies a lack of enthusiasm on my part. While not overly optimistic, I still approached the season with hope. I didn’t expect any rubber tree plants to move. Which is to say I did not have high hopes.

I was however looking forward to seeing how my Tigers would perform and how the new coaching staff would do. (If you have not figured it out already, I’m an Auburn fan. Alumnus, actually.) As the season got closer I started reading more and more about Fall Camp. The more I read the more my hopes grew. I liked what I heard. A lot.

Then the season finally arrived. I have to say that after the first 4 games the rubber tree is starting to shake. I think it will move soon. Maybe not this week. Maybe not even this year. I have high hopes for this coaching staff, though. Chizik is proving himself a very savvy head coach. He knows the path to success is paved by good assistants. He has put together a great staff: form both a coaching and recruiting perspective. I look forward to the next few years. I think we will have great success.

Now, about this season. October is going to be rough. At UT, at UofArk, UK at Jordan-Hare Stadium, at LSU, and UofM at JHS. That is a brutal stretch. (Thanks a lot Jay Jacobs.) I think (barring serious injury problems) we come out of those games 3-2 at the worst. I think 5-0 is a very real possibility. I’ll go with 4-1 realistically. Which, after a visit from Fordham, puts us at 8-1 going into Amen Corner.

Yes, I realize I’m looking at this through Orange and Blue (actually burnt orange and navy) glasses, but I see it as a very real possibility. I will not be completely surprised (or disappointed) if Bama’s visit to the Plains is for the SEC West crown. That, my friends, would be awesome!

I’ve never understood Auburn and Alabama fans’ desire for the other to fail. After the last 10 years or so, this series needs a spark to put it back on the national map. How about two undefeated, top 10 teams in a winner-take-all battle for a trip to the conference championship game? It makes me swoon a little.

Back to the October. Here’s the reasoning behind my take on AU’s upcoming schedule. UT is not good. Their defense is pretty stout. Their offense is still struggling. If AU can get rid of their special teams mistakes they will cruise. AU wins.

Arkansas worried me. Until this past weekend. I was really surprised they didn’t put up more of a fight against UA. We don’t have the defensive talent Bama has, but we have talent. This game will be a shoot-out. I give AU the advantage on defense, but UofArk gets the nod for home field. Toss up.

UK is decent, but not as good as last year. It’s a home game. Stay focused and there should be no problems. AU wins.

Mississippi State exposed LSU this weekend. The Tigers of LSU are 105^th in the nation in total offense. Auburn is 1^st. AU always plays well in Baton Rouge. But LSU always seems to find a way to beat AU in Baton Rouge (last second passes, 5 missed field goals, phantom whistles, etc.). Toss up.

Ole Miss exposed this week as well, though not as bad as LSU. South Carolina is a good team. I have not been impressed with Ole Miss all year. Or last year for that matter. They had to hang on by the skin of their teeth to beat a pitiful Auburn team last year at home. This year they come to JHS. AU wins.

Here’s the problem with my theories, Auburn is thin. 5 tough SEC games will likely take their toll in regards to injuries. A 9-0 for AU is very possible. Unfortunately, It’s not that likely. We are thin at LB and in the defensive backfield. A couple of injuries there will definitely turn those toss up games to losses and a couple of the wins as well. If we stay healthy, 10-0 going into Athens is within reach. If the injury bug bites 5-5 is just as likely.

Realistically, I’m going with 8-4 (9-3 if things bounce our way.) Ok, that’s probably an optimistic realism, but I’m sticking with my prediction.

Wow, that was a lot of football. Sorry to the non-sports oriented. How about some artsy angst to make up for it?

Zodiac Theater (local community theater here in the Shoals) is doing a production of Rent. Auditions are tonight and tomorrow night. I would love, love(!) to do this show. But I can feel the “I can’ts” kicking in already. I have too much going on tonight. I can’t make it to auditions. I have too much going on in general. I can’t do a show right now. I’ve never done a musical. I can’t do musical theater. They people who are “18-30 in appearance.” I can’t look under 30.

I’ll plan to go. I’ll tell myself how awesome it would be. But ultimately, I can’t. I won’t. And I’ll hate myself for not going. But I won’t go.

I think I need a theater accountability buddy.

On a brighter note, I am loving Glee! I wasn’t blown away by the first couple of episodes after the pilot, but last week’s episode was great! Hilarious, touching, heart-wrenching, cringe-inducing. I hope they keep it up!

Well, it’s 5:00. Time to go home.

Whoops, there goes another rubber tree. Whoops, there goes another rubber tree. Whoops, there goes another rubber tree plant.

Keep those hopes high.