Time for more Junk Mail. Today I’m cleaning out the folder. I’ve whittled it down from 2500 to just over 40 of the best Junk Mail subject lines just for you. So let’s skip the cutesy introduction and jump straight into the scandalous world of spam!
You're against beer or what? – Um… I’m not exactly sure what this email is trying to sell or what this subject means or, for that matter, why it’s funny. Just seemed like a good place to start.
Having a big beast in your pants will make you a beast in bed. – Having a beast in my pants would make me scream like a girl.
Cures fast and effective! – Procrastinators rejoice! Finally a cure for fast and effective!
You can wear tight tops and mini skirts again. – What exactly do you mean by again? I didn’t think anyone knew about that? Um…I mean, I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Be a real man - from your head to your toes. – Unless you’re wearing tight tops and mini skirts again.
Dear Mr. Lazy – Wow, personalized spam!
Horrible things in DC – I assume this refers to crime and not the government. Well, actually, are those two mutually exclusive?
Uttered the oft – I tried and tried to find something funny to say about this. I failed. But I had to include it. It’s just too much fun to say.
Creepy! Don't read – I’ve never known spammers to use reverse psychology. Unfortunately for me, it worked.
If you had a gold fish, you would ask for a bigger instrument. – Again, no joke here. Just too weird to be left out.
Spam REAL Doctors, REAL Science, REAL Results! – First reverse psychology, now honesty? These spammers will try anything.
Kimberley gives me your mail – What the hell is Kimberly doing with my mail? And just who the hell is Kimberly?
Stud secrets inside – Too ad I don’t have a prize winning animal to breed, because apparently I have the secrets now.
Beware of fake enhancement products – The fallacy here being the assumption that there are non-fake enhancement products.
No woman will dare reject you when she sees that beast in your pants. – I’m pretty sure no woman will ever get near you with a beast in your pants.
A good health is all you need to be happy. – Just one will do the trick.
Nothing excites women more than a big bulge in your penis. – I’m thinking that should read, “Nothing excites your urologist more than a big bulge in your penis.”
Don't get ripped off my fakes anymore – See fallacy mentioned 4 subjects earlier.
We got into shit – That’s just plain gross. Unless, maybe, you’re a farmer.
I'm happy to find you in internet – Obviously I’m now getting TRON’s email.
Guys with big devices never have to lick up for their fault. – I can’t make enough sense of this one to make a joke. I will say that I’m pretty sure it’s talking about a big remote control.
Be sure your privacy is properly protected. – Too late. You read this email.
Nashville massacre – I hadn’t heard.
Make your meat-weapon effective – A weapon that shoots meat. How freaking awesome would that be!?!?
Summer is almost here, be ready! – Should I reply to this one and let them know that summer is already over?
Feel and smell more sexy to women – I guess our target audience is men who are married to blind women?
so many ugly people need this chance to get their glow back, try now for free – That’s just what we ugly people need. To glow. Yeah, that’ll be better.
Know best love improver? – Is “improver” even a word? For the record: no, I don’t know.
You can be ugly and stupid as long as your shaft is big. – I know for a fact that you can be ugly and stupid AND have a small “shaft.”
Women will be sticking to you like the flies to honey. – Well, that’s just gross.
Designer watches at very democratic prices. – So, the prices were voted onto the watches?
You will like the quality of our soft, but moreover you will like the prices. – Of your soft what? I’m hoping it’s soft serve.
now that you know, please do not tell others, this is a secret and its free – So, it’s a secret that you emailed out to millions of people? Nice.
Do what millions of other men are doing today – Delete this email!
Great Popular Soft At Prices You Will Like. – Again, I really hope it’s soft serve. I love soft serve.
And now for a special section devoted to what must be the most amazing product ever to hit your inbox. The Acai Berry.
Improve mental clarity with Acai Diet
Acai Elite will make you look and feel great.
Let Accai Berry imporve your health
Get hit on more often with Acai Berry
Acai Elite will make you a few sizes smaller.
Acai Berry , Flush out toxins, reduce Cholesteral
Lose weight feel great , Accai Berry Celebrity Diet
The secret to a great sex life , Acai Berry.
Magic berry that will make you look like a princes.
I’m going to go ahead and call it a miracle berry. It’s great for weight loss and apparently, so much more. The one thing it can’t do, apparently, is spell. But it will help you lose weight, think more clearly, “improve” your sex life, lower your “cholesterol”, and, most importantly, look like “a princes”. Could you ask for anything more?
hahaha I love all of this but you forgot to mention the Prince of Nigeria... hahaha my personal favorite. And miracle berry? I thought miracle berry was the stuff that changes taste for foods. Like lemons and beer will taste sweet... no joke... this isn't snake oil bs... I get it from http://www.buy-miracle-fruit.com. I swear i thought it wouldn't work either but it's one interesting fruit.
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