The Late Nighters...

 
  

 I’ll tell you ahead of time this is an ill conceived, poorly thought out post, but I know you’d expect no less from me! Over the last week and a half I’ve spent several hours sitting on the couch or in a chair at some ungodly hour of the morning wincing in pain and trying desperately to occupy my mind. For that I reach out to everyone’s friend the television. And as most of you know the best thing to watch in the overnight hours are the infomercials.

Over the years I’ve developed favorites. The George Foreman Grill is, of course, a classic. I’m a sucker for anything from Ron Popiel. “Set it and forget it!” Jack LaLane, on the other hand, scary. My absolute favorite? The Magic Bullet. Awesome stuff.

The Infomercial Industry has some tried and true elements that you are almost sure to see. Some are still used; some have seen their day come and go. At one time your cast included a semi-beautiful, almost young actress and an almost insane, slightly annoying Brit (or an Aussie if you’re on a tight budget.) The Magic Bullet has this. The afore mentioned Studio Audience seems to have run it’s course. Then there are the MOS shots: “Man-on-the-Street” interviews where they show you random people using the product and raving about its greatness.

My favorite Infomercial stand-by is the “look how difficult your life is without” us segment. You know, where they remind you how hard it is to get pots and pans out of the cabinet without breaking fewer than 2 bones. Or how using that traditional blender ultimately leads to a prosthetic of some sort. Use one of those along with one of those eye-gouging, non-Ginzu knives and you might as well look toward a career in pirating.

I like the old school In-Front-of-a-Live-Studio-Audience type, but lately there’s a new breed taking over. I’ll call them the “Scripted Comedy” infomercials. The Magic Bullet is a fine example. They have the requisite Brit and semi-lovely assistant. They have the appliance maims housewife scenes. And of course they have the, “But wait, call now and receive,…” offer that is for the next 20 minutes only. No matter what time of day you’re watching.

But it has so much more. In lieu of a Live Audience the “audience” here is a plot device. Oh look, this eclectic group of misfits is staying in the Crazy Brit/Homely Assistant’s house. And they are just arriving in the kitchen for breakfast. We have the “Are they married, are they not?” Couple, the grandma in a muumuu with a cigarette dangling from her lips, the crotchety bald guy who “hates vegetables,” and a few other house guests gathered around to witness the amazing feats of the Magic Bullet.

If find yourself up late at night fighting insomnia, feeding the baby, or just staying up way too late or getting up way too early scan the channels. Find the Magic Bullet. I promise entertainment.

But act now. Supplies are limited. This offer won’t last forever.

Tomorrow I’ll get to what I really wanted to write about. Who’s the better TV spokesman: Billy Mays or Vince (The Sham-Wow Guy)? Intrigued aren’t you. 181.