Imagine my delight...

I opened MS Outlook this mornig to find over 100 items in my Junk Mail folder yipee! Now I get to make fun of ED pills, diets, loan approvals, bad english, and the like! Oh, happy day! Happy day!

Elevate sex drive to new levels - Do men really need a pill to elevate their sex drive? Anyone?
Sanctify themselves, praying, the it good to Abraham ran violently - I think I heard this sermon once. From a homeless guy in Time Square.
Check out the wonders of pound melting - I'd rather check out the wonders of pound cake!
Is my certiorari - Yes, it is.
100% authentic drugs - No fakes here! Only real ripoff meds!
my hero - Aww, I'm blushing.
Danny - Viagra for you! - But I'm Arturo.
Welcome to the best medication source around - Uncle Jim? I told you to stop e-mailing me!
Almost any medication you will ever need - try our site. Privacy guaranteed - Almost? What, no oxycontin!?!
Phyllis - Viagra for you! - Crap! Now I'm Phyllis? This is beyond gender confusion.
her irresolvable everyone mezzo - It's so much better than his resolved unique baritone.
Valeria - Viagra for you! - Dammit! Makle up your mind!
What is Viagra? - Ask Arturo or Phyllis.
Is whack go ceres - of course whack go ceres. Everyone knows whack go ceres!
No or cobden - I'm going to go with cobden. No one likes to hear "no."
All that u need - From that subject you'd think you could get Viagra, Cialis, etc., a home equity loan, great stock tips, cheap software, diet pills, and any prescription medication you could ever need from this e-mail. You would be wrong. Here's a sample of this e-mail - "Why?Oh, relation they addition have base a house to squeak themselves." Apparently this is gay mouse porn.
Receive a younger future! - Does that mean this will kill me?
be biblical - Finally sound advice from junk mail. Wait. No, it's more mouse porn.
the trial - Hey that record was supposed to be sealed.
How does Cialis work? - If you have to ask, I'm not buying it from you.
Help for every person all over the whole world - Now that is a product I can get behind! Oh wait, it's another Viagra e-mail.
TOP medicines! TAKE HERE! - I've never seen an ad for a Crack House before.
Free info DVD from Bosley Medical - Mr. C. Tom Bosley, is a doctor now? Wow, I thought he was dead.
Your wishes will be completed with our help - fairiegodparents.org
Chrisrian - Viagra for you! - That's not even a real name!
As delrio be deltaville - That nutty Delrio. He's alwaysd wnted to be Deltaville. Glad he finally made it.
BB&T - confirm your identity - I'm Arturo. No, I'm Danny. Phyllis? Valeria. No, wait, I'm Chrisrian. 
Let's play combine the subjects to make a sentence! But revery each exponentiate As successive who cabinet To semi this semper. You know what happens if you don't revery you exonentiate? You get an un-semi-ed semper. That's what happens.
For Scott - Finally! I'm me again!