The New Rule

I posted last week about all I’ve learned from watching the 2010 FIFA World Cup™. This week, I've watched even more soccer. This week I’ve learned more valuable life lessons.

I decided I would share one of the lessons. This, I believe, is the most practical of all of my “soccer lessons.” You can apply this particular rule in your own life almost daily.

One word: Offside!

When something happens you don’t particularly like or agree with, call offsides. In soccer if the referee calls offsides nothing counts. Such as a winning goal in a soccer game tied at 2-2. Or perhaps an early goal in a 0-0 game. The FIFA referees have proven there does not even need to be an offsides foul to call offsides.

If you get a speeding ticket, go to court on your court date. When the judge asks for your plea. Plead “Not guilty! The officer was offsides!” Case dismissed.

Girls, if you find yourself on a blind date that reminds you of Joey Buttafuco; “Offsides!” Date over. It never happened.

Guys, if your girlfriend calls to interrogate you about the shoe under your bed; “Offsides!” Argument over. What shoe?

Get fired? Let you boss know they were offsides. So it obviously did not count. “See you Monday.”

It will work. It has to work. Soccer says so.

But hurry, I’m pretty sure this will only last until the end of the World Cup.

Oh, and guys, don’t forget to grab your ankle when your girlfriend knocks you down the next time you see her. Remember, it’s in the rules, too.