A trip down Guilt St.

191. I promised (myself) I would only use this outlet for good and never evil. Today I break that promise.

Yesterday my wife and her co-workers walked out of their office after a long day's work. They were exhausted and ready to go home. Being in the medical field they see a lot of things over the course of a workday: severed fingers, gouged eyes, infectious sores. But none of that could prepare them for what they were about to experience. Upon exiting the building they saw something no human should ever have to witness.

Around 5:30 yesterday afternoon I received an ominous call from my wife. “Don’t be mad. We have a big problem.” A very troubling start to the conversation. My mind began to race. What is wrong? Did she have a wreck? No she sounds too calm for that. I’m cooking; maybe she has a meeting she forgot to tell me about and isn’t going to be home for dinner.

She continued, “Two problems, actually.” Now this opens entirely new, entirely terrifying possibilities. Luckily, she didn’t let me languish in ignorance for long.

“We found 2 puppies standing in the highway.” Uh oh.

I finally uttered my first word of the phone call. “No.”

“Debbie [her employer] wants us to keep them tonight and then take them to Dr. Gilbert’s office tomorrow morning. She can’t keep them because she doesn’t have a fence.”

“Don’t bring them home.”

“I have to. They were in the middle of Highway 72.”

Then the conversation took a truly troubling turn.

“They’re cute!”

“No.”

I should break from the narrative here to explain. I am not evil. I do not hate animals. Quite the contrary actually. The problem is, we have two dogs already. And two cats. And two kids. In other words, we’re overwhelmed with smelly animals as it is.

Needless to say, I lost the argument. The dogs came home with Misty. She was right they are cute. We gave them some food and some water. We put them in a crate on the carport while we ate Easy Low Fat (Crock-Pot) Lasagne (sic). After dinner we took them for a short walk.

The kids, as expected, immediately fell in love with them. They named them. Which is the kiss of death when it comes to getting rid of a dog. Luckily, they couldn’t settle on names, so they each called the pair by different monikers. After the walk the kids were unusually and disturbingly quiet.

After an hour or so they called us into the den. They had something for us to see. The two of them collaborated on a Power Point presentation on why we should keep the puppies. They would take full responsibility for them. Pay for their food. Play with them. Walk them. Clean up after them.

My question, “Why don’t you do that for the two dogs we have?”

Their response, “They’re not puppies.”

So here’s the evil I referred to earlier. These puppies need a home. And you are the one to give it to them. Just think if you don’t, they may die.

I know that someone, one of you, needs two puppies. And just to add to the guilt trip hard sell tactics, here’s a picture:

They are cute. C-U-T-E!

They are brother and sister. And they are very sweet. The boy loves to be held and makes little tiny puppy groans when you hold him. As a bonus, they don’t even stink!

I have readers around the world. Well, maybe not around the world, but in at least 2 parts of the world. And definitely across these United States. I know it might not be convenient for some of you to get to Florence, AL and pick up two puppies. But remember, I mentioned they might die otherwise. Really.

I might even be willing to meet you somewhere between here and there. (Wherever there is.) But seriously, these guys need a home.

Think about it. And please, don’t let them die.