94

191. I’ve got to stop letting work pile up!

I should tell you ahead of time, this is going to suck. It’s going to be a drag. Being that it is Monday, you may want to wait and read it tomorrow. I’m just saying.

My grandmother’s birthday is this weekend. If you’ve read this stuff for a while, you’ve read about my grandmother. If you haven’t, well, try this (search: grandmother). She will turn 94 this Thursday. That’s awesome. But I hope I don’t make it to 94.

We went to visit my grandmother this weekend. I enjoyed the visit, but it was sad. I’m at a loss for words. I started writing 45 minutes ago and I have two paragraphs. I’ve spent the last 30 minutes or so searching for and reading older posts about my grandmother.

She has made some amazing medical comebacks in her years on this earth. About 5 years ago my family thought it was the end. She seemed to be going downhill fast. My mom went to check on her one day and she could not even get out of bed. They took her to the hospital. A few days later she was out and within a few weeks was as spry as ever.

A few months later she fell and broke her hip. She came back from that as well as a 90 year-old could.

She’s been at death’s door more than once. She’s always come back strong. After our visit I don’t know about this time.

Over the last year or so, she’s really gone down hill. I guess that’s one of the reasons I don’t visit her like I should. It’s hard to watch as she is helped from her wheelchair into her motorized recliner. It’s hard to listen as she struggles to breathe. As she talks about not being able to get out of bed by herself. It’s tough. I’m selfish.

I know I’ve said this before. I’ve never had to deal with death. Misty and I were dating when her mother died, but I experienced that from the outside. 5 years ago her grandmother died. I Loved Granny, but I was still a bit of an outsider.

It’s now been 2 hours since I started this. I’ve spent the bulk of it staring at the screen.

I’ve never lost a family member or close friend. I’m not sure how I’ll do. I hope I don’t find out soon.

We’re going to eat with my grandmother tonight for her birthday. I hope she feels well enough to enjoy it.