Fun, Laughs, Good Times

Calm down. It was an April Fool’s joke. Now, on with the show.

I first visited New York City almost 20 years ago. I was a not-so-naïve 16 year-old. On that school sponsored, teacher chaperoned trip we only made one visit to Times Square. One night we passed through on our way to the Royale Theater to see the Ken Ludwig comedy Lend Me a Tenor. We negotiated the Square almost at a run as our chaperones tried to avoid the lurid sights and sounds. Though it was a quick visit, many of the images still linger in my memory.

It was dark (in mood if nothing else), foul smelling, and crowded. There were more theater marquees than I could count: all of them advertising some variety of XXX entertainment. The doors between the theaters housed either Adult Bookstores or some sort of Live Adult Entertainment.

Every 20 feet or so stood a man, usually dirty and murmuring, holding a fist full of fluorescent colored flyers. They attempted to hand them to everyone who passed. At one point I took one. It was, not surprisingly, an advertisement for a strip club.

Mixed in among the Flyer Men, the passers-by, and the thrill seekers, you could find the requisite women-of-the-night. They floated in and out of the crowds searching for clientele. And they were not shy about it, regardless of age. I, being a rather young looking 16 year-old, was asked more than once if I was looking for a “good time.” I politely declined. We even had the privilege of watching a prostitute and a potential patron negotiating the finer points of their verbal agreement.

My next visit came 5 years later. Misty and I went to New York on our honeymoon. Times Square was a completely different place. It was relatively clean. It was bright and flashy. It was friendly.

All of the more bawdy elements from my first trip were gone. No more adult theaters. No more strip clubs. No more Adult bookstores. Even the working girls were cleaned up. I’m not so naïve to think they were completely gone. Only less conspicuous.

On my next visit the Square was even tamer. Toys R Us and Disney dominated the landscape. TV studios and larger-than-life billboards and video screens lit the night sky. It became even more family friendly. The sanitization of Times Square seemed complete. (Excluding the presence of the Naked Cowboy, of course.)

On this most recent trip I noticed something familiar. For all of the changes that have taken place, some things remain the same. Prostitution has returned to Times Square.

They are no longer peddling sex; now they whore themselves for Comedy Shows, bus tours, and even Broadway musicals. Every corner, nook, and cranny seemed to house at least one man, woman, or child holding brochures and calling to the pedestrians promoting their wares.

These people are just as shameless as any prostitute I saw 20 years ago. They will step directly in front of you to compel you to listen to their pitch. Then curse you as you pass by after stepping around them. They stand on the corners calling out “Comedy show tickets!” Some of the women dress in skimpy outfits to ensnare their prey. Sounds familiar, doesn’t it.

They are shameless, and they are everywhere.

The City ran out the XXX leaflets and scarlet women, only to have them replaced by something just as sleazy. Street vendors.