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Feb. 22nd, 2006
Junk Mail
Not that much going on today, so I thought I'd post some of my favorite Junk Mail subject lines. These things are fun. I especially like the methods they use to get past filters...
Scott, if you're looking for a regular dating site, skip this email - I skipped it. I guess I'll go find a regular dating site now.
increase in sexual desire - Mine? yours? Way too vague. I'm not reading it.
picture investigators got of a young - A young what, you ask? according to the e-mail, i guess it was a young house.
bessie connotative molybdate - I have no idea what that means.
couch greenbelt beat - I wish my couch had a greenbelt, then it could keep the dog off itself.
Good day - Isn't that polite for Junk Mail.
AndStill LoveToGetNailed - Scariest part: the "from" line was "50YearsYong." *shudder*
it's time to talk about your student loans - OK, here goes: they were paid off 6-8 years ago. Conversation over.
I need someone forSex - I'm not sure I know what forSex is, but I know I'm not your man.
Salutation Scott Coats Apple $500 IsOnUs - Apparently this was sent from the 19th century. Truly amazing!
EnlargeYourMaleMember, Guyz - Can't comment, must click link...
Astonish your frieends and co--worrkers - I think you spilled liquid on your keyboard. It's sticking.
What I've learned from Junk Mail:
∙There's tons of free stuff out there if I'm just willing to take a simple survey!
∙18 year old females apparently love me.
∙I can get a job doing nothing that pays $250,000 a year anytime I want.
∙Everyone wants to finance my house.
∙I can enlarge or shrink almost any part of my body with a pill or cream.
That's enough for today. I've got to go see if I have an e-mail that will get rid of this headache._
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April 9th, 2007
Imagine my delight...
I opened MS Outlook this mornig to find over 100 items in my Junk Mail folder yipee! Now I get to make fun of ED pills, diets, loan approvals, bad english, and the like! Oh, happy day! Happy day!
Elevate sex drive to new levels - Do men really need a pill to elevate their sex drive? Anyone?
Sanctify themselves, praying, the it good to Abraham ran violently - I think I heard this sermon once. From a homeless guy in Time Square.
Check out the wonders of pound melting - I'd rather check out the wonders of pound cake!
Is my certiorari - Yes, it is.
100% authentic drugs - No fakes here! Only real ripoff meds!
my hero - Aww, I'm blushing.
Danny - Viagra for you! - But I'm Arturo.
Welcome to the best medication source around - Uncle Jim? I told you to stop e-mailing me!
Almost any medication you will ever need - try our site. Privacy guaranteed - Almost? What, no oxycontin!?!
Phyllis - Viagra for you! - Crap! Now I'm Phyllis? This is beyond gender confusion.
her irresolvable everyone mezzo - It's so much better than his resolved unique baritone.
Valeria - Viagra for you! - Dammit! Makle up your mind!
What is Viagra? - Ask Arturo or Phyllis.
Is whack go ceres - of course whack go ceres. Everyone knows whack go ceres!
No or cobden - I'm going to go with cobden. No one likes to hear "no."
All that u need - From that subject you'd think you could get Viagra, Cialis, etc., a home equity loan, great stock tips, cheap software, diet pills, and any prescription medication you could ever need from this e-mail. You would be wrong. Here's a sample of this e-mail - "Why?Oh, relation they addition have base a house to squeak themselves." Apparently this is gay mouse porn.
Receive a younger future! - Does that mean this will kill me?
be biblical - Finally sound advice from junk mail. Wait. No, it's more mouse porn.
the trial - Hey that record was supposed to be sealed.
How does Cialis work? - If you have to ask, I'm not buying it from you.
Help for every person all over the whole world - Now that is a product I can get behind! Oh wait, it's another Viagra e-mail.
TOP medicines! TAKE HERE! - I've never seen an ad for a Crack House before.
Free info DVD from Bosley Medical - Mr. C. Tom Bosley, is a doctor now? Wow, I thought he was dead.
Your wishes will be completed with our help - fairiegodparents.org
Chrisrian - Viagra for you! - That's not even a real name!
As delrio be deltaville - That nutty Delrio. He's alwaysd wnted to be Deltaville. Glad he finally made it.
BB&T - confirm your identity - I'm Arturo. No, I'm Danny. Phyllis? Valeria. No, wait, I'm Chrisrian.
Let's play combine the subjects to make a sentence! But revery each exponentiate As successive who cabinet To semi this semper. You know what happens if you don't revery you exonentiate? You get an un-semi-ed semper. That's what happens.
For Scott - Finally! I'm me again!
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Tomorrow I'll post an old story. I like stories.
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