It's that time again, boys and girls. Time to delve deep into the world of miracle products, empty promises, imitation handbags, and broken English. No, we're not going to New York City. It's time to look at Scott's Junk Mail.

If you're new to the game, or if you have a shorter memory than I do, let me explain. Every so often, I like to share my favorite Junk Mail items with my 2 loyal readers. And then make fun of them. You can see past Junk Mail entries for more info. By the way, as of right now, I stand at 651 Junk Mail Items.

Be not afraid of making changes in their lives - Apparently Yul Brenner is sending junk e-mail posthumously.
Please your Lassie like never before - Now their selling the dog treats
Take out your secret weapon - And what if I don't have a secret weapon? Does that make me less of a man?
Inexpensive symbols of swagger society - My society is much swagger than yours.
Be dietary - Oh, I am. Trust me.
Remedy for small wieners - This one was NOT from Oscar Meyer
We caught you naked Scott - umm.....
Pepple shop spich shoodlid bato - I could follow the bad spelling unitl spich. No Idea what that is, but I'm sure it enlarges something.
Relax. Take a deep breath we have the answers you seek - What is Crepy Junk Mail, Alex?
Start your career NOW... - No wait! Start NOW! No. Not yet. OK, NOW!
Rolex glow - I knew they were cheap knock offs, I had no idea they were radioactive.
What They Don't Want You to Know What It Does to Your Body - Apparently this refers to the makers of this product. Or bacon.
You derserve to be a giant - Is this a compliment?
Low prices on enlargement - Apparently this is from Wal-Mart's Male Enhancement department
Make yourself a Superman - Are they selling the Fortress of Solitude?
Hi scent of love - Again I ask, compliment?
We selling shoes, d yu (sic) want any? - Me deleting e-mail, d yu want deleted?
I bet you've never seen anything like this - Only 651 times this week. Wait...it's 653 now.
Gorgeous components of your style - These guys have never seen my closet. Far from gorgeous.
A key from her bedroom is in your pants - I wondered what was poking me in the ass all day.
Scott's naked video - You didn't read that. Nothing to see here. Move along.
Christian shoes - New from Reebok! Pontiff Pumps! Don't miss Nike's newest Air Jordan (River).
Your effort will be rewarded - Daily affirmations from your Junk Mail. I like.
Dance in the sheets all night long - That's exactly what I need, less sleep.
You're a moron Scott - So much for the daily affirmations.
Feel more secure about yourself - Unless you're a moron.