Yippy Skippy!

T'was the day before today and all through the workplace,
Not a creature was stirring; it’s 6 AM for Pete’s sake!

Sticky notes were hung from my monitor with care.
In hopes I’d return calls soon as I got there.

The cat started licking his rear on my desk
“Get outta here ya varmint! This ain’t no Burlesque!”

I with my coffee, but still moving like a snail
Plopped down at my PC to check my e-mail

When on my flat screen there arose such a sight
I had to look twice to ensure I was right

Away to tell someone I flew like a flash
I felt like I’d won a large sum of cash

“No one is here I must let some one know”
So right away I decided where I must go.

What you may ask, to my wandering eyes did appear?
But one hundred thirty-one junk e-mails to make fun of here!

Manual recovery is useful when maintenance is being performed on the other machine. - Um... I can't make this funny.
Note that the uppercase A uses the baseline as its starting point. - Ok, really can you try to sell me something? Viagra, fake watches, stocks, Russian brides? Something? Anything?
Pay and Install - Much better! Now I feel the love. And no I will not install what you're selling. But thanks!
long an advocate of  - Illegal pyramid scams?
Dear Customer Feel Good Now! - Wow, self-help junk mail!
Can you tell me what's wrong, and how we can fix it? - You're sending me spam. To fix it? Stop sending me spam.
Otherwise, two additional reload registers are required. - Well then let's just not go there!
Can you imagine that you are healthy? - Not if I use your product, probably not.
Begin second youth in your life! - I didn't like my first youth that much. Why would I want a second?
Doctor Approved and Recommended  - That's Dr. Feelgood, of course.
Taking these pictures made me so hot. I bet they will make you hot too. come see...  - It's 105 degrees outside! Everything you do will make you hot!
The planetologists are also working now most likely, dropping bomb-probes. I don't know what a planetologist is, but I know I don't want to hear about their "bomb-probes."
Test the sweets of the life yourself with Viagra - Yum! Chocolate flavored ED Pills!
Could Jupiter's moon Europa, seen here, harbor oceans beneath its icy surface. - Does a wild bear crap on my porch every night? Seriously, is it a bear or is my neighbor still pissed? Maybe it's one of those planetologists.
Can it be - Since you're in my Junk Mail folder, probably not.
Often, even, they have been found with fresh blood trickling out of the sides of then-mouths.
Usually you will see one bad sector and then a few more and then a bunch more until the drive is basicly not worth using any more. - This is what happens if you click the link in the email.
Everything that's broken and doesn't work in my life. - I hate whiny spam!
Been here or not - Um... I think not
Nobody will know bout your problems - They will if you keep sending me these damn emails!!

This last one is adults only

Here it is:

And the best ever junk email content goes to: My boyfriend's peter is too big for my mouth.

Babes always whooped at me and even youths did in the national toilet!
Well, now I smil at them, because I took M E _G_A_D_ IK for 7 months and now my shaft is immensely more than national. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! "Immensely more than National!!!"

[Edit] I stand corrected! This is the best! ever! Adults only again...

Princesses always giggled at me and even boys did in the unrestricted water closet!
Well, now I sriek at them, because I took Me_ga. d_ik.
for 7 months and now my penis is excessively largest than federal. Wow, I have nothing to add.