I started writing this about 3 weeks ago. The sentiment still holds true.
To fat or not to fat? That is the question.
I posted this as my Facebook status a couple of weeks ago. I decided it needed some explanation.
First off, let me say that it is not a typo. “To fat?” That is my questions. It’s not a matter or “Am I too fat?” I think I’m beyond that question. My question is this: “Is it time to just go ahead and let myself get fat?”
Ergo, ‘To fat or not to fat?’
I’m tired of trying to lose weight. I eat tiny little meals. I don’t eat dessert. I rarely eat anything I actually want to eat. I’m pretty sure I’m done with it.
Here’s the kicker. Despite all of that. Despite the denial, the hunger, and the guilt. I still don’t lose weight.
I want to be done with it. I want to eat what I want to eat, when I want to eat it. So now I must decide, do I crack down on my diet, get off of my lazy ass, and get proactive about losing weight? Or do I let go of the elusive fantasy of a svelte frame, eat what I want, and blow up like Dan Fielding’s favorite girlfriend? (Night Court reference anyone)?
The latter option bears concerns. My health being prime among them. Last time I had it checked, my cholesterol and such were fine. My dad has had some heart problems. I’d like to avoid that. Another concern (for me anyway) is clothes. Clothes are expensive. I don’t really want to buy a bunch of new stuff when I can no longer squeeze into my current wardrobe.
Cutting back causes concern as well. Firstly, I like food. I’m not a foodie. I do not have a refined palate. My body does not like fancy food. (I found that out the first time I tried to eat at the 360 Grille and spent the next few hours in the restroom.) I like pizza. No, I love pizza. I love hamburgers and chilidogs and French fries and onion rings and barbeque sandwiches. I love coconut cream pie and yellow cake smothered with butter and oatmeal raisin cookies and brownies and Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream and Frostbite’s frozen yogurt.
When I come face to face with a food I love, I eat it. I eat it until I cannot eat any more. Not until I’m full, until I cannot physically squeeze another morsel of food into my body. Trying to stop is harder than trying to stop Brittany Spears from leaving the house without underwear.
I also eat fast. Like, Bristol-Palin-making-and-breaking-an-engagement fast. Apparently, I’m afraid of wolves taking my food. Fast eating leads to over eating. But it’s sooo good!
Must have more! Must have now! Cookie, cookie! Me love cookie!
So this is my dilemma. To fat or not to fat? Even 3 weeks later I still don’t have an answer.
Scott, IF its any consolation & IF I was a writer, like u r, & i were to write my eat-vs-weight struggle, it would be very similar to what u've written. For me, it's a continuous battle thats been going on for more decades than i care to mention. I surely know how u feel but dont have any answers (except the observation that its a lot easier for me to put it on than to take it off). So in my 'dieting' if i end up just holding the line on my weight i've come to see that as a victory! A sad commentary on me I guess - Jerry.
ReplyDeleteThis book might be interesting to you: http://www.amazon.com/Writing-Diet-Write-Yourself-Right-Size/dp/1585426989/ref=sr_1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1281534094&sr=1-6
ReplyDeleteIt's a struggle here, too. We (my Scott and I) did the radical diet thing that got us on the right foot, and it seems to have (at least temporarily) broken my sordid affair with the bad things to eat, so if you can grit through the pain for a couple of weeks maybe you can change your cravings? I don't know, man. Another book, though -- on the way to the beach I read "Food Rules" by Michael Pollen out loud in the car. It's pretty good. I'm sure you could read the whole thing at a one-hour sitting in Books-a-Million if you wanted to. It's short.
I wish the American diet wasn't so engineered to make us love it so (gimme some salt and sweet and fat!). We're constantly at odds with our instincts to pig out.
Long story short, though -- on-on with the fight. Not to fat, say I.
I still think you should start running (when it cools off?). Run, Forrest! Run!
Eating fast.. remind me to tell you about a book I read recently about a woman who did scientific research on how quickly we eat our food-- no matter what it is.. and how it affects our digestive systems and then we gain most of the weight instead of burning the calories.
ReplyDeleteIt was cool, and I thought she was a quack, but the research proves true and it's worth a read.