Peter Sagal must read this!

I’m seriously contemplating a career change. I have new goal in life. I’m fairly certain I cannot achieve that goal working in construction.

My goal? I want to be a panelist on NPR’s Wait, Wait…Don’t Tell Me.

I want to wax comedic with Peter Sagal. I want to engage in witty repartee with Paula Poundstone. I want to watch Carl Kassell as he reads quotes in his ridiculous falsetto “female” voice. I want to “Bluff the Listener.”

I think this goal is attainable. The panel is made up of funny (maybe witty is more accurate), intelligent semi-celebrities (maybe faux celebrities is more accurate). Tom Bodet, Paul Provenza, Mo Rocca, (the afore mentioned) Paula Poundstone; all people you’ve heard of… for some reason.

Now my task becomes, how do I get on? I guess I could have my voice featured in a series of hotel ads. I could convince VH1 to let me comment on the minutia of a (thankfully) past decade. Maybe I could be accused and arrested for lewd acts with children…um, no.

I have, though, identified step one. I need my own Wikipedia entry. I’m almost certain this is step one to semi-fame, which is step one on my path to the Wait, Wait panel.

Now I just have to do something worthy of being Wikied.

I’ll end with this: begging.

Peter Sagal, please, please, please can I be on your show? I can’t promise I’ll be funny, but I can promise that I will sit in a chair near a microphone. Please?