I found an article today that astonished me. It’s about 6 years old, but it holds, for me at least, some very profound truths. You can read it here: The Habits and Needs of a Little Understood Group.
The article in question talks about introverts. And it describes me perfectly.
I’ve written about this before, maybe even talked it to death. I am not always an easy person to talk to in person. When I am part of a group I am not going to be the most out-spoken person there (unless the topic is one I am passionate about). I know that I sometimes come off as aloof or arrogant. Neither could be farther from the truth. I am an introvert.
This is not really news to me. I’ve taken a few personality tests over the years, and I think all of them have told me I am an introvert. I t wasn’t until reading this article, though, that I truly understood what that means. And, therefore, I learned why I am how I am.
I cannot abide small talk. I’m not good at it. I figure if I’m going to talk it should be about something. If not, I’m content to sit quietly: with or without other people. I used to be uncomfortable sitting with someone in silence. Not long ago I learned it wasn’t the silence that made me uneasy. It was the anticipated chitchat. Trying to participate in small talk is much more uncomfortable to me than sitting with someone in silence.
I completely agree with the author when he says, “We can only dream that someday [sic] it will not be impolite to say ‘I'm an introvert. You are a wonderful person and I like you. But now please shush.’”
Much of the article is devoted to the conflict between introverts and extroverts. This conflict arises from simple facts about each group. “Extroverts are energized by people, and wilt or fade when alone.” On the other hand, “introverts are people who find other people tiring.” Again, could not agree more.
Don’t take that the wrong way. It doesn’t mean I don’t like people. But being around people for long periods of time wears me out. Physically and mentally. Especially a lot of people. One on one is fine, as long as I have something to say.
The article also enlightened me on a source of conflict in our home. I am an introvert. Misty is an introvert, as well. The kids unfortunately are not.
Jacob is somewhat introverted, not a lot. He likes to have others around, but enjoys some quiet time also. Abby, on the other hand, is 100% extrovert. She cannot stand to be alone. She needs constant companionship. It drives me nuts. I think I now understand her a little better. I wish they both could understand me and my need for quiet time alone.
I hope all extroverts will read this article. As the author says, “Extroverts have little or no grasp of introversion. They assume that company, especially their own, is always welcome.” Sorry to burst your bubble, but your company is not always welcome. It is also not always unwelcome. I like people. I like talking to people. I like to do so, though, on my terms.
I hope I don’t come off as unfriendly or detached. I hope I have not offended any of you in the past by not speaking. The truth is, sometimes I don’t want to say “Hi,” because that might lead to a conversation and I’ve already met my quota for the day.
So don’t be offended if I don’t greet you as I pass. Don’t think I’m depressed if I sit through a group conversation without saying a word. Don’t assume I’m pissed at you just because I didn’t speak to you. Just know that you are dealing with an introvert. An introvert that probably doesn’t like you anyway.
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